Jan 4, 2016

The last time….

Of late, Facebook has been bouncing memories back at us….’see your memories, you have memories to look back’ kind of stuff. And I have been going back, and reposting old posts, like many others. There are some quotes, some pictures, and some reminders of becoming friends with various people on fb.

Some pictures of my kids took me back in time, and then I went a little further, testing my memory. Even with the number of grey hair on my crown increasing rapidly every day, I do vividly remember how my now 10 year old son looked when I first held him in my arms, how he gurgled as an infant, when he turned, sat up, crawled, walked, called me ‘mamma’ for the first time. I do remember all the ‘firsts’.

And I also remember how he would make me repeat his favourite playtime tricks ‘one last time’ endlessly. Then, sure enough came a last time, but I don’t remember any of the ‘lasts’. When was the last time he asked me carry him because he was too tired walking with me? When was the last time I helped him take a bath and get dressed? When was the last time I fed him, one painfully slow morsel after another? When was the last time I threw a soft ball for him to hit with his plastic cricket bat?

Though it fills me with pride, like any mother, to see my son growing up well, and excelling at many things, the thought that he will soon be a grown up and will be independent, and would not rely on me, does sadden me. But then isn’t this exactly what we parents strive for- making our kids independent and self-sufficient?

As I see him – now almost as tall as me- gliding deftly on his waveboard, manoeuvring the narrowest spaces with ease, I wonder when was the last time I waved kisses at him as his school bus left, because it was very ‘embarrassing’ for him! Here he is, ‘hi-fiving’ with his buddies as they manage to swish past each other on their waveboards, without dashing. Though I feel a surge of emotion, I know I would rather not hug him in front of his ‘gang’!

So today morning, as school reopens after Christmas vacation, and he managed to wake up in time to get his bus to school, and he called me for a ‘good morning hug,’ I forgot that he was wasting precious seconds , lazing around, and rushed to hug him….for this could very well be the ‘last time’ he wanted it!

1 comment:

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