It's a boys team!!

There she was… a tiny bundle, wailing and kicking with all her might. I looked at her and fell in love all over again. She was a wish fulfilled, a prayer answered, and as I kissed her, I thought there was nothing more precious and flawless than her- my newborn daughter. 'Isn't she the prettiest girl in the world?' I smiled widely as I asked the surgeon while she administered anaesthesia and put me to sleep. 

I have an older son- and he was six when my daughter was born. When he was 2 or 3 years old, I would look longingly at those pretty dresses and cute sandals and accessories displayed in all kids wear shops. I  love my son to bits, but secretly wished I had a daughter whom I could dress up in all those oh-so-cute things. I wished and wished and wished, until he turned almost 5 and wanted a playmate - a brother, to be precise. 

During the months that I was pregnant, he would often say- 'Mamma, I am sure I will have a brother, who will play cricket with me' and I always said 'I am sure you will have a sister, so we will have a girls team against you and daddy!'

And a girl it was- a sister for my son. And he was happy, nevertheless. He even carried her in his arms on the very first day, very confidently, gently and affectionately. For me, taking care of an infant was a tad easier this time around. And I was only too happy that I could now buy all the prettiest dresses in the world for my doll.

But that was not to be. I was able to doll her up only till she was nearly three years old, which is roughly when she began pointing out what she liked to eat/wear/play. She displayed interest in everything that is conventionally meant for boys. The possible reason could be that she has an older brother whom she wants to emulate and whose approval she values the most.

My tiny doll is now four, and has a mind of her own. She has no love for pretty dresses, cute sandals and accessories, or girlie toys. She wears superhero t shirts, plays with cars, and can easily hit and punch while playing football! When she speaks, she says 'Main aunga, khaunga, jaunga'.

I did try at first to change her mannerisms, correcting every sentence that she spoke, cajoling her to wear girlie clothes, admonishing her for kicking the ball around inside the house, and chiding her for not letting me tie her hair. But soon I realised that all this only made her more react more boisterously, determined to 'become a boy'.

I also realised that there was nothing wrong with her, it was actually me. Not only was I giving in to gender stereotypes, which I always abhorred, but was also making her more rebellious. So, I had to some rethinking on the way I addressed her love for all things deemed 'boyish'.

Instead of lamenting that she never wore a single hair band or hair clip I bought for her and admonishing her for unkempt hair (which were very uncomfortable for her), I got her a short haircut. Not only is it more convenient for her, but for me also, when I need to get her dressed for school or while going out! I also stopped buying dresses for her completely (sigh), and now I buy t shirts and leggings for her, clothes that are comfortable for her to manage when she has to go to the washroom all by herself at school. I also don't buy her dolls or cooking sets, but try and find more gender neutral games for her.

Several times, people have asked me 'Isn't that a boy?' when I call her name, a girl's name. Or there are other kids, including my son's friends, who say 'Is your "sister" a boy?' And I don't mind explaining it to them that she is a girl who loves to behave like a boy. Reactions from people are varied. Some find it amusing, some think it is wrong, while some display sympathy, and say 'Don't worry, she will grow out of it.' But I am least worried.

And I wouldn't worry even if she doesn't grow out of it. It is alright if she keeps wearing superhero t-shirts forever, or plays noisy games, with boys. To me,  she will always be 'the prettiest girl in the world', whether she dresses up like one or not.

Though my friends found it very difficult to find gifts for her on her birthday, and though I see her picking up only blue racquets and blue balls and blue shoes and avoiding pink completely, I know that she will always be my princess.

At the same time, I marvel at the determination she has displayed at such a tender age, holding her own against older boys, when she plays with her brother and his friends. And her brother, my son - he is a proud brother. Yes, he has a sister, but it's a boys team at home!

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The Cherry on Top

There was a time when I was young, brimming with energy, and living as if the world was waiting to be conquered by me. There were parents to take care of all my needs, siblings who were partners in all crimes, cousins who I loved to bits, and very few, but very dear friends who would take a bullet for me. All I had to do was bask in that love and attention. I really had everything-- the cake, the icing, and the cherry on top!

There were many things I dreamt of doing and believed I had all the time in the world for that.

With time, came marriage, followed by motherhood, and things were never the same again, to say it in plain words. Marriage brought its own set of responsibilities, complexities and I discovered new dimensions of life. It did not take much effort to settle into domesticity and take care of things like piles of laundry and soiled dishes and other household chores, albeit with the help of maids!

Then came my kids, one after the other, six years apart. Life became a mad mix of sleepless nights and tiring days. However, there is nothing more captivating than the toothless grin of a toddler, and I happily wiped my children's runny noses, kissed off their bruises, played silly games and sang rhymes with them. With time, I learnt to play Uno, swing racquets, swish beyblades and play everything else my kids played. I enjoyed it all a lot, but hardly ever realised how I lost a bit of myself with every passing day.

The kids soon grew up to be of school going age, one after the other. When my son began going to school for the entire day, I still had my little daughter with me. And then, as she turned 3, she also joined a preschool last year. I was very much looking forward to it, as every bone in my body was tired by then and I believed I needed some time to myself also. However, once she settled in her school routine, I found that it was very difficult to spend those few hours alone.

In my endeavour to make the most of that time, I first began spring cleaning my house. And I kept stumbling upon things that I had packed and stashed away, either so that the kids would not spoil them, or so that I would not get distracted from my children. I found myself saying 'How I loved reading, how I loved music, how I loved trying recipes, how I loved this and how I loved that'.....Loved?? LOVED? Why was it all in past tense? Didn't I love all that now also? Or had I forgotten what I liked and loved? It was evident that I had lost touch with my old self, and everything associated with it.

It was as if I woke up from deep slumber. I knew had to do something about it. And I don't have all the time in the world for that now. I am almost (yes, almost!) 40! And there is still so much that I have not done. And it also dawned upon me that I had actually forgotten some of those things on my to-do list, maybe because I was too absorbed with my kids, or maybe because I am growing old, after all! Though I didn't resent spending all my time and energy on my family, I did resent that I had pressed some 'pause' button on my life.

I knew that only I could help myself. I had to go out of my cocoon and look at the world around. And find a place for myself, not only as someone's wife or someone's mother, but as what I am (or was, or used to be.......whatever!). I knew that this is the only life I have, and I can't let it slip away from my hands like this.

Reading and writing helped me a lot. I read and read- newspapers, magazines, on the net, on my phone, everything I came across. And though whatever I wrote is nothing great, I at least had an outlet for my thoughts and views.


The place I live is a lively and eventful one, which I had not paid any attention to earlier. Interacting with people helped me find new avenues to channelise my time and energy. I was able to revive old friendships and old hobbies. I made new friends and learnt new skills. And all of it went on, one thing leading to another.

And now, almost a year has passed since then. And I have been able to tick quite a few boxes in this one year. The to-do list keeps growing, thanks to my new found hunger to explore. And I have wonderful sisters and friends who encourage me and even accompany me in my quest. I am not only a happier person, but also a more relaxed mother. And thanks to my age, I am more sure of myself, more confident and able to voice my opinion better.

And I find myself saying ' Yeah!! You still have it ALL- the cake, the icing, annnnnd the cherry on top!' 

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